Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
