i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
