You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The air taste purple.
Randomize
