Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
