Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
