So drunk its hurt
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
