I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
