This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
