Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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