I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
