:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
