She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
