I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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