My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
