RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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