Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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