I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
