youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize