sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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