dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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