im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
