Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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