It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
