Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
