I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
