i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
