My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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