The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize