my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
