he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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