Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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