Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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