I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
