I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
