the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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