My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
