wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize