I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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