I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
