Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
