Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
