It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
