i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
