6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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