i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
