My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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