that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
