Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
