GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The struggles of a small town man whore
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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