I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
