Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
