high people should be assigned attendants
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
