he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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