She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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