Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
