The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize