I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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