Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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