I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
