Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
