he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
