party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
