Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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