No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
