Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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