I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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