Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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