The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
