"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I touched a dick in church today
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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