the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize