We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
