i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
