Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
