I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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