fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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