Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
