The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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