i may or may not be watching the land before time
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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